Shadows Fill An Empty Heart

so i just got back from hanging out with krystina. and we had a "bawlfest". eventhough she did most of the crying i knew how she felt. and i cried on my way home ... and i kinda still am.

this winter i pretty much had everything.
..the best roommates anyone could ask for.
..a bestfriend who was there for me whenever.
..great boyfriend.
..and i was back in school again.
i was pretty much on cloud nine and was loving every minute of it.

then summer came. and everything went to shit.
..i lost a boyfriend
..i lost a potential boyfriend .. because i said the wrong thing.
..i lost my roommates
..my bestfriend and i drifted apart.
basically i fell off of cloud nine and fell back into reality fast ... hard ... and still have a bump on my head the size of texas.

i thought this summer was gonna ROCK! partying it up with the roommates ... meeting new people ... making new friendships ... all while having a cute boy by my side. i thought i was so far from rock bottom that i would never be there. little did i know that's where i was headed.

i eventually became the most disliked person in this shitty town because of a few fuck-ups on my part. i'm not so much anymore ... and i don't ever wanna be again. i apologized and some forgave. and i'm rebuilding those friendships slowly ... but surely. others are pretty content on hating me. and i hate that. i hate that there is someone ... four hours away ...  that i was once close to for six months that hates me. i know ... they're four hours away why should i care that they hate me ... i don't know i just do. i guess because i was really looking forward to becoming this person's friend but i guess now i won't ever get that opportunity. at one point in time i had some pretty strong feelings for this person and eventhough they're not as strong as they once were i would still like to be friends with them. but i'm not gonna try to be friends with someone who has no intentions on being my friend.

i would really like for this person to read this so he could know that he did have an effect on me and that i'm sorry for whatever it was that i did and that i want to be nothing more but his friend and that if ever needs someone to talk to i am here. i'm just a phone call away.

basically what i'm saying is ... if you feel like you have everything you could ever want in life ... don't take it for granted coz' one wrong choice and you could end up like me with a big ass knot on the side of your head that won't go away. and hurts everytime you think about that one thing you fucked up on.

k i guess that's it.
if it doesn't make sense ... sorry
it is 345 in the morning.
<3 Josie

so i made it through my first week of college.
i had a crapload of homework ... but roommates did too so i guess i didn't feel too bad.
we all did it together it was cool ... little homework sessions in our living room it was great.

right now i'm in the library trying to do research on my first presentation in my intro to human service class :(. i have to teach the class. UGH. i hated talking in front of everyone in high school. i mean there people knew me and i felt comfortable with them ... kay maybe not ... but more then i do with people that i barely know.

i think i'm gonna do it on homelessness.
think outside of the box.
i think everyone is doing theirs on teen pregnancy or street gangs or something along those lines.
the usual.

last night i had the craziest UNTRUE dream ever. i had a dream wayne cheated on me with this girl that i work with ... who i can't stand and basically wanna beat her ass ... but i won't. yeah it was nuts i went crazy on both of them and that was about it.

i miss him tons. three more weeks and he comes home from purdue :)

kay well i guess i better get back to work.

"Have A Good First Day"~Nancy

so my first class at baker was interesting.

the instructor seems pretty cool. we get to watch pursuit of happyness which is just wonderful coz' i haven't seen it yet and i really wanted to.

it felt really good to go back into a classroom again ... not gonna lie ... i rushed straight from work changed into regular clothes threw my books in my NEW backpack and asked my roommate shannon to take me to school so nancy could use my car to go to work :]. As I was leaving ... nancy was like "have a great first day" haha it was great.

it's crazy coz' now that i think about it ... i don't really have a good reason on why i stopped going to school ... i mean like i just stopped going and then never registered for classes again after that.

i miss my boyfriend already :[ and i saw him yesterday ... he doesn't come for the summer until may 2nd :[ :[ . i kinda hate the fact that i'm getting really attached to him ... but then again i'm not coz' he is such a great guy ... and it doesn't matter what we do or don't do i still enjoy myself when i am with him. idk. it's crazy.

i'm getting a tatoo next week XD. me && gibby decided to get "best friend" tattoos on our side. idk if i want to get it on my side ... i was thinking more in the middle of my back , but i think he is going to get a tattoo there that is similar to his brother's ... but idk he could get his on his side and i'll get mine in the middle of my back ... who knows i have a week to decide ... and a week to figure out what we're going to get :\ i better get on that ... lol.

anywho ... now that i have access to the internet all the time again i'll prolly be updating here more ... so be ready lol

don't worry guys ... i didn't die.

i am very much alive actually :)

things couldn't be better. i mean im living in my own apartment. I have the two coolest roommates EVER! The greatest boyfriend a girl could have. I'm going back to school :) and to top it all off I actually like my job. Being the baker at Old Country Buffet isn't half bad.

Right now I'm at Purdue University visiting my boyfriend :).  It's been a fun time so far. Prolly gonna end up drinking this weekend but hey thats cool with me its the last weekend of my Spring Break and then school starts up as soon as I get home :(.

But yeah ... hope to hear from all of yous soon. With summer coming up ... hopefully some of you come home and visit me in my apartment :)

Josie

Currently Listening Falling Away By Crossfade see related

school's done WHOO!

i am no longer employed at BK..as of this past tuesday.

Prom was a blast! I had a good time....I love my group of high school friends. They're raw..not gonna lie..my date was the best date ever! haha.

http://community.webshots.com/user/smiles2425   ---pictures from that night..if you wanna take a look =).

so basically you all need to come NOW!